I have been incredibly blessed in my life. I look back and I appreciate the growth I have had in the past few years. This reflection has developed into a grand appreciation for the support and encouragement from those around me. There have been so many people in my life who have nurtured my career development and the greatest gift they gave me was letting me find my own way.
They recognized me for the value I brought and they accepted me for everything I was. I’ll be immodest and say that I was a high performer. I could be trusted to get shit done. But being a high performer came with a price and that price was tolerance. The people around me—my colleagues, my managers, and my mentors—they weren’t blind or ignorant to the things I needed to work on. They knew where my opportunities and challenges were and they coached me along the way but they recognized that it was my journey to make. It was “my work” and telling me that I need to work on it wasn’t going to make it happen faster.
They didn’t placate me and they didn’t coddle me. They didn’t make excuses for me either. And instead of telling me what I needed to do, they acknowledged my faults as “opportunities” and they told me what I could do.
One former boss, Jeff, told me that he wished I could learn to let some things go; not because he didn’t appreciate my tenacity, but because he just thought I would be a happier person.
Another old boss, Kim, who is my dear mentor, counselor, and spiritual advisor once asked me, “Why do you let him have all of your power?” when I let my anger render me a victim to someone else’s whims.
See? They didn’t force change or perspective on me but instead positioned me to see them for myself and gave me my choices. Only I could control myself. Only I could choose to be different and only if I wanted to be.
I had no illusions about what I could be like to work with but I chose to be the way I was. I thought I was hot shit. I thought I didn’t care about what others thought of me. I thought I was right about everything. And I thought everything that made me angry was a personal affront. I thought my behavior was acceptable. I thought nothing else mattered as long as I delivered and the client was happy.
I’ve changed a lot in the past few years and another time, I’ll share what I went through to step onto the road to who I am now. For now, I’ll say that I like to see myself as a better person, a more humble and vulnerable person. I still have more to do but I am at a place in my life and at peace with who I am that I can do the work.
Back then, I was twenty- and thirty-nothing and acknowledging was the best I could do. They made it okay. They made it safe to be the person I was at that point in my life. It’s like an unadulterated love which is a little weird because it’s work but I don’t know how else to describe it. Acceptance. Faith. They believed in me and trusted I would get there in my own time.
I want that for other people. I wish that for them. Realizing how truly blessed I have been has granted me a vision of who I can be for other people and who I want to be. I want to be them for other people—this person of tolerance and complete acceptance.
It’s my next stage of growth. Imitation is not just the greatest form of flattery, it’s also the greatest gesture of appreciation I can show.
To: Kim, Jeff, Tony, Neil, Allora, Christine, Kyle, Beth, Curt, Gwen, Armand, Thomas, Jim.
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